floods, drivers & endurance

Flood, rain & drivers…& endurance

September will always mark a lot of memories in my heart. I have shared about what has happened to me last Tuesday, September 5. The past day is the 9^th of September and this will be another landmark for me. Tonight, I go home once more at 1am, an inappropriate time to come home for a single lady in her late twenties. And in this week, I have had two opportunities of trusting God for my life and for what is to come.

I never realized how foolish I had been for keeping on doing the things that place my life in danger. Well, it never occurred to me that it is a foolish thing. I reason that if I am experiencing these, I should be honored because in one way or another, it draws me closer to God. I guess in some sort I have acquired my mother’s courage and boldness in traveling alone as well as traveling in the dark. When I was young about 4 or 5 years old, my mother who has not finished her high school degree would walk 7 kilometers of rough road and a very dark on at that when she goes home after her evening classes. There were times when she would bring me to town and I will wait for her until her classes are done and we’ll walk the 7-kilometer road towards our cottage somewhere in the midst of the forest of Montevista, Davao. Most of the times, there is no moon to light our way so what we do is prepare a kind of torch made up of dried coconut leaves tied together and we usually hide them while going to town on certain assumed places where the last torch will die out. It was fun. I was able to hide some torches and get them before we are totally absorbed by darkness not to mention we had to pass by some “haunted areas, trees and spots” as well as a hut in the midst of the long distance we travel rumored to be a house of a monster/ogre of some sort. I believed all the stories because every time we had to pass by all those places, I usually feel different with butterflies in my stomach and the hair at the back of my neck would just stand up and I shiver. There was even a night when we accidentally came upon some NPA rebels. They walked with us for some time and told my mother strongly not to travel alone again at night. But then, it has made me wonder of these adventures and I would say that I had gained confidence in traveling even alone because of my night walks with my mother. And I even anticipate these things but of course with fear. She is really one brave woman.

So why do I write about that? It’s pretty much the background of why I have learned to travel alone and even at night. And even as I recall those experiences, I just feel I owe it to my mother for being brave yet faithful. And were it not for those times I have spent with her, I wouldn’t have been the person that I am now or will ever be.

And so arriving for the second time at around 1am is something that troubled me. I realized that there is a powerful lesson behind these: endurance. A miraculous word I have been allowed to carry with me wherever I am. And a powerful lesson I always need to learn. Perhaps I still lack endurance because I am still being tested in this area, much to my dismay. When I think of my adventures and struggles, I think of myself as a woman of endurance. And yet, I have been given two long nights to learn about it once more.

I endured almost 1 ½ hour in the middle of the pouring rain, holding steadfastly to my umbrella even if is also dripping wet and dropping rain water on my head. I endured an FX ride for three hours amidst the flood and seemingly impossible situation last night. And if I really did have enough courage to venture into the night, I would have gotten off and walked to wherever my feet led me. But I did not. And I was amazed at my own determination to stay inside the vehicle despite the knowledge that we are running out of diesel and the driver seemed to be having some serious emotional & mental problems. It was exasperating to hear him mumble out loud that he does not know if we’ll make it through the areas we have passed by or how he desperately tells us that he should have waited for the flood to subside and we could have waited in España and have gone home safer. He was so unsure of what he was doing and I was contemplating on taking the wheel and driving it myself. I was actually thinking that I was a lot braver than he is. Prayer was my only companion all through that night. I was praying for the rain to stop, for the flood to subside, for the diesel to last longer, for the driver to be braver than usual, for me to get home early, for the people to be disciplined in disposing their garbage, for the government to do something about these floods. It was a night to remember. I have never seen a driver so unsure of what and where are. I have never seen a flood like it in my life in Manila, let alone experience its unique effect over me. I was torn between feeling pity for the driver and getting annoyed at his attitude. I told myself that I will really remember his face so I never get to ride in his FX again….hahaha. Because I was annoyed at him, I forgot to say ‘thank you’ to him. I was planning to but I got carried away. I uttered a thanksgiving prayer for him when I was already on a jeepney going home. I was one ungrateful lady.

And when I was sure I can go home safely, I asked God why he allowed me to go through two nights of undeniable test of patience & endurance. The reality hit me! I have never learned it totally. Yes, I can wait for a person for one hour when he/she is late for an appointment, but deep inside I am not glad in waiting. I do not find it enjoyable and I can hear someone say ‘true.’ It is not an easy way of getting what you have prayed for and it will never be easier the longer it takes one to wait. I have often thought of myself as an enduring person, but the two nights that passed, I realized I have never been into a real test of endurance and I have no right to say that I can endure anything. What a life! A very exciting life awaits me, I know it. And maybe, just maybe I could learn more of endurance if I learn to be wise and enjoy the situations the Lord so lovingly brings to me.

Where do these things lead me now? How have they affected my walk with God as well as my work? Well, for a start I will try to be wise to sleep in Cavite during my campus visits there. And I guess, it still leaves me in full expectation of how the Lord keeps and will keep me in His hands while I am doing the things I believe I am called to do. It doesn’t matter really whether I be in danger or not, what matters for me is the truth that the Lord’s hand is ever ready to help and protect and that He will not let me get hurt unless it is for His glory.