...monks, mountains, miracles

The last weekend found me in a bus to a secluded place in Malaybalay, Bukidnon. The six-hour travel by bus did not really bore me. There was a lot in mind. I was also sleepy because it was very early in the morning when i left the house. Part of the trip was spent in reminiscing what i have gone through the past year. Part of is was spent sleeping & a part of it just gazing in the rich scenery which lay before me. Some parts of it were spent crying & wishing things were different as they are nowadays. That trip was my way of letting go & burying something that died within me. It felt that way although i still feel the sting of the pain. The wound i believe isn't fully healed. In the recovery process, it will still be painful. Hopefully, the pain will get lesser & lesser as the days go by.

The monk who received me and welcomed me in the monastery was very jovial & noisy. I thought monks were very quiet. He wasn't. Haha... But i instantly took a liking to him even if he's the most talkative monk i have ever met. Father Elias - he was not the usual monk you see in such places. I would say he's a cut above the rest. But he, in his jolly personality & in leaving me alone to deal with my pain & silence, taught me a lot of things about life. I thank the Lord for his example of devotion & commitment to the call he received from the Lord. His devotion to the contemplative life is really worth  of notice. I would say he's one brilliant man in the world before he chose this life of silence, solitude.

Ora et labora. Prayer & work... this is their motto... in praying,we are working. in working, we are praying. And in these words, Psalm 46:10 rightly fits... Being still in the presence of the Lord and know that He is God. What better way of being still than by praying. What better way of knowing God is there than praying. In the silence & solitude of their work assignments, there is a calmness, an attitude of contentment & satisfaction in just being there... being present with God. In their prayers, i see that they are really at peace with their lot, with their call. How i wish i would be like them... perfectly satisfied wherever i am...

In the past few months, i have been restless.. my heart was not focused on the Lord. My mind wandered. I was in love with a man who i thought was the one i would share my life with. I was wrong. I opened my heart only to find myself closing its door again. No luck in love... Maybe i wasn't made for it? I don't know the answer. But in the mountain of Bukidnon, in the monastery, i found a soul who had been hurt more deeply & badly than mine. Her marriage fell apart because her husband is gay - desecrating even their home with his homosexual practices. What could be worse than that? When i met Ate G, i was drawn to her pain. Drawn with the way she cried... Oh, how she cried. She was deeply, badly hurt. Her children, all grown ups now, gave her permission to finally move on & leave their father. How could such bitter thing happen to her? I wonder... and i look at myself and realize, my situation doesn't even come close to hers. She steadily reminded me to not shut love off in my life. Even if a very painful thing happened to her, she never told me to not love... but she carefully reminded me to be very careful. Choose wisely & love again.

It was a miracle. Of all the places to hear such words, it was there in the silence of the mountains & the clouds rolling by, occasionally disturbed by the tolling of bells... and my, how they sound... you would really be deaf to not notice or hear. Haha...

In that place, coffee was abundant. I loved it. I would say that coffee helped in soothing my wounded heart. One of the best in the world is their coffee - Monk's Blend. I loved it - the smell, the taste... the aroma waffling through the dining hall... hahaha... Coffee for the soul....

I want to thank the Almighty for letting me go there... for providing people who have open hearts & generous hands to sponsor my travel & retreat... it was a place of refuge, retreat & refreshment for me... God really knows what we need... :)