mahirap sagutin...

"bakit ka nagstaff?" "talaga, staff ka na?" "so what made you decide to be a staff?" "sigurado ka ba dyan?" kumusta ang support mo?"

these are just some of the questions that are very hard for me to answer...not that they are hard to answer in any way...

i just find it difficult to always say the same things over and over again....

however, i have decided that this is where i should be...and so, when i get to hear those kinds of questions, sometimes i just smile and do my best to say the things that pop in my head...

in many ways, i realized that i have become tired of hearing the questions again and again and because of this tiredness, i really, really dread to hear them....

kung pwede nga lang na umiwas sa mga taong nagtatanong...
but what can i do?
i have no means of escape....
nor i have a chance to do so...
because it is always required of me to give an answer as soon as possible...whether i like it or i like it....

i really don't have a choice really....


if i ever did, i would have run away to the nearest mountain or cave.... for refuge...


funny though, that even the thought of running away seem to be far of....
because i usually encounter the questions in unexpected places and from unexpected people.....


so what now?

is there a right or a wrong answer anyway?


will i be given a failing grade if i did not answer the way they expected me to?


hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm...


i think....i reflect....

i think again....

i reflect again....

to what effect does this insecurity of answering such questions affect my life?

mahirap sagutin eh...basta ganon...mahirap


i dont know.... i'm not even sure if the previous question was right?



or maybe, i have failed to be truthfully open with people.....

just maybe, i have lost that feeling of dependence to people...


i have lost the trust.... i don't trust people anymore as i should be doing.....


i think it will fall back to the reality that i have been utterly hurt before......


by people whom i thought were worthy to be trusted....


i guess in some ways, i have become too cautious even in opening myself....


primarily because, i believe that there are people out there waiting to get a hold of what i hold dear in my heart....


so i have actually learned not to tell stories about who i really am...and i did not dare to initiate telling any kind of story for that matter....

i just feel that my stories are worth only telling if they are to be kept and cherished preciously as i do....